What many people don’t understand is the importance of having the right mindset. Going through separation or divorce can really bog you down; it is a difficult time. But know that you have a choice. Your ex is not in control of what you do with your life now. Your ex is not determining your current state of mind. You are in a position to keep your chin up, find your sparkle and ride the waves as you work on improving your circumstances, or be engulfed with negative thoughts and energy. No matter what your situation. Be kind to yourself.

In this episode, along with talking about the importance of having the right mindset, I also discuss the importance of forgiving yourself and practising gratitude. Finally, I share a couple of strategies that will help you develop the positive mindset that will make a big difference in your single mum journey.

I hope that this episode gave you a new perspective and an understanding that what you focus on becomes your reality.  Whatever your circumstances, make a conscious daily decision to choose joy.

Links mentioned in the episode: 

Jump on the waitlist for Thrive Tribe HERE. 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

To contact Julia, email: julia@singlemothersurvivalguide.com.

Visit us at Single Mother Survival Guide. And join the email list there too.

Or connect with Single Mother Survival Guide on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest.

In this episode, I talk about understanding our conflict triggers.

A trigger is something that gives us an immediate, intense reaction. They come from within us and are about how we react to a situation. Generally, they come from a real threat, or more commonly, a perceived threat; a FEAR (false evidence appearing real).

Conflict triggers are strong emotions that can cause rifts, resentments, and conflict when handled in an unhealthy manner. But when handled in a positive way, they can become an opportunity to grow, avoid potential conflicts and strengthen relationships.

It’s beneficial to know when we are being triggered, especially when we’re dealing with an ex, our kids, our work, and other areas of our lives.

Today I summarise nine different triggers and a variety of different personality types that might trigger you.

I hope that this episode helps you be more aware of your own feelings and encourages you to respond more instead of reacting, and lastly, to communicate clearly and be eager to find solutions to resolve disagreements.

Links mentioned in the episode: 

Jump on the waitlist for Thrive Tribe HERE. 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

To contact Julia, email: julia@singlemothersurvivalguide.com.

Visit us at Single Mother Survival Guide. And join the email list there too.

Or connect with Single Mother Survival Guide on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest.

In this episode, I talk about the ten steps to take when embarking on the divorce or separation journey and becoming a single mum.

Navigating life as a single mum can be, at first, overwhelming. You might be feeling sad, scared, or even relieved. I know it can be scary tackling a new and uncertain future. But life can get even better and you can be fulfilled and thrive in life, even as a single mum! 

If you want to hear more, check out a past episode entitled, Top Tips to Look After Yourself As a New Mum (Episode 255).

I hope these tips will help you and give you courage as you embark on your single mum journey.

 Links mentioned in the episode: 

Listen to Episode 144 - How to find or start a local single mums group HERE.

Jump on the waitlist for Thrive Tribe HERE.  Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

To contact Julia, email: julia@singlemothersurvivalguide.com.

Visit us at Single Mother Survival Guide. And join the email list there too.

Or connect with Single Mother Survival Guide on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest.

In this episode, I talk about what steps to take when taking the high road when going through a divorce or separation.

In last week's episode, I talked about taking the high road after separation whilst dealing with heartbreak at the same time. In this episode, we go deeper into the topic of taking the high road.

This is really hard to do when emotions are high, especially as you go through the stages of grief.

Today I provide you with some action steps to help you take the high road so you can walk away with your integrity intact and head held high as you move forward.

I hope these tips help you regardless of whether you have been a single mum for years or if you're a brand new single mum. 

Links mentioned in the episode: 

Jump on the waitlist for Thrive Tribe HERE. 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

To contact Julia, email: julia@singlemothersurvivalguide.com.

Visit us at Single Mother Survival Guide. And join the email list there too.

Or connect with Single Mother Survival Guide on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest.

In this episode, I talk about taking the high road after separation whilst dealing with heartbreak and going through the grief cycle at the same time.

This tough phase is something I help my one-on-one clients with. I get it, emotions can become intense when communicating with your ex after separation.  

There are benefits to choosing your words carefully and respecting your ex (even if they don’t deserve it). Not only does this preserve your dignity, but all communication can be used against you when you go to court. 

Taking the high road is operating from a place of being at your best self and choosing to walk away from conflict; it’s focusing on what you have and what you want. It’s about looking at yourself and taking responsibility for your actions rather than playing the blame game. 

If you want to hear more about this topic, check out Episode 194 and Episode 293 where I talked about heartbreak.

Links mentioned in the episode: 

Jump on the waitlist for Thrive Tribe HERE. 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

To contact Julia, email: julia@singlemothersurvivalguide.com.

Visit us at Single Mother Survival Guide. And join the email list there too.

Or connect with Single Mother Survival Guide on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest.

This week, I discuss holistic healing. Nowadays it is important to have a healthy approach to all aspects of our well-being - spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional. This is where we can make a change and a lasting improvement in our quality of life. 

A holistic approach to healing is something I offer to my clients. This is also something I share with my Thrive Tribe family. Today I will share what has worked for me and the people I work with - the 8 pillars of holistic healing. I hope they help you to live a balanced life too. 

Links mentioned in the episode: 

In this week's episode, I have Vikki Stark joining me. Vikki is an internationally known psychotherapist, speaker, author, divorce recovery expert, and the director of the Sedona Counselling Centre of Montreal. She’s particularly known for her groundbreaking book, Runaway Husbands, which has led her to mentor a worldwide community of women recovering from unexpected divorce.

She has written two other books (My Sister, My Self, and The Divorce Talk: How to Tell the Kids) and edited a fourth, Planet Heartbreak, which is a compilation of 62 stories written by women from the Runaway Husbands community.

She’s a blogger for Psychology Today and has often been a guest on radio and television, and a speaker at conferences worldwide. She is devoted to helping the women in her community and loves leading retreats, either online, in Montreal, or in Sedona, Arizona.

In this episode she talks about: 

• Her own story of sudden wife abandonment.
• How this experience pivoted her on a path in life of helping other women going through the same thing.
• The ten hallmarks of sudden wife syndrome.
• The link between sudden wife abandonment and covert narcissism.
• The transformational healing stages after going through something like this.
• How to learn to see this experience as an opportunity for growth and change.
• How to talk to your kids when this happens.
• And so much more! 

Links mentioned in the episode: 

In this episode, I discuss:

• The difference between a "normal" divorce and a high conflict divorce.
• What it is like dealing with a spouse who has a high-conflict personality.
• Signs for you to look out for if you suspect you are dealing with a high-conflict personality in your divorce.
• How I've helped coach and guide my clients that are going through this.
• The most common high-conflict personality types (borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder).
• Practical advice to people going through this highly emotional situation.
• And so much more! 

Links mentioned in the episode: 

In this episode, I answer a question I received and addressed in my recent Tuesday Struggle Strategy Session in the Single Mother Survival Guide Support Forum.

Here, I am sharing my answer because I think it's a great question. It was a question that is quite hard to admit to, a mindset that holds us back and I'm pretty sure we can all relate to it. 

The question I addressed was: 

Hi Julia, I have been divorced for 5 years now and I'm happy that I'm no longer in the marriage anymore. But despite the emotional, physical, and emotional abuse I endured throughout the marriage, there is one thing that hits me hard all the time. And that is I supported him during our 10-year marriage and two kids to climb that corporate ladder, earning hundreds and thousands of dollars... and now is in a cushy job, a job that takes him to places like Singapore, and still climbing the ladder while I have the kids 90% of the time and for him, one night a week. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have the kids. I feel robbed. He left me with debt and having to start over from scratch. Why does this get me all the time? 

In this episode, I chat about:

• Changing your mindset.
• Unresolved resentments.
• Having an attitude of gratitude.

Listen to the episode to get some insights and tips especially if you are facing similar challenges in your journey. And if you are feeling the same about your current situation, I really hope that listening to this will help you.

Links mentioned in the episode: 

In this episode, I discuss divorce coaching - what it is, why you need a divorce coach if you are considering getting a divorce, and how it can help you.  As a certified divorce coach, I am very passionate about helping single mums overcome challenges, make the best out of a very difficult situation, and thrive. 

I share:

• My own experience with divorce as a child.
• The positive and negative impacts of divorce in my life as I grew up - emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
• How my parent's divorce helped give me more insight and empathy for children and other people going through a divorce.
• The difference between coaching and therapy.
• What I love about being a divorce coach.
• And much more! 

Links mentioned in the episode: 

This week, I talk about mindset when it comes to divorce. 

I am a certified divorce coach and a certified transition and recovery coach. I am passionate about working with single mums. 

In this episode, I share six of the biggest mindset mistakes people usually make when they get divorced.

As a coach, this is something I help people recognise so they can handle it better. Failure to recognise these mistakes can result in serious long-term consequences. It is very important to develop the right mindset before, during, and after divorce proceedings. 

It's my hope that gaining awareness will save you from losing unnecessary time, money, and effort. 

Links mentioned in the episode: 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

I'm engaged!!! 

I've been seeing my boyfriend now for 18 months and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him! I'm so happy that my daughter was absolutely thrilled about the news too. 

I'm grateful for all the love and support I've received from everyone. 

In this episode I talk about: 

• How our relationship developed over time.
• The element of fear in entering into a relationship, especially if you have been through DV or some form of abuse. 
• Not settling for someone that isn't right for you.
• And so much more!

Links mentioned in the episode: 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

She is one of my founding Thrive Tribe members and it's made me so very happy to have seen her grow over the last couple of years. She's been a single mum for five years and has three children.

In this episode she shares: 

• How her children were affected by the strained relationship she had with her ex.
• How her kids have grown over the years following the separation.
• How she met her ex and how the relationship developed.
• The domestic violence and control issues she suffered from in the relationship and losing her sense of identity in the process.
• How she helped her children process and navigate through the separation and what it means for them.
• How she dealt with the shame of being the only single mum in her family and circle of friends.
• How building her self-identity and independence strained the relationship with her ex.
• The co-parenting arrangement she has with her ex-partner.
• Being diagnosed with complex PTSD, anxiety, and depression. 
• The importance of finding the right therapist. 
• The things that helped her in her journey to healing.
• The importance of belonging to a community of like-minded people, like Thrive Tribe, who understand what you are going through.
• Insights gained from her healing journey.
• Her advice to new single mums who are starting their own healing journey.
• And so much more! 

Links mentioned in the episode: 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

In this episode, I share some information about factors that play the biggest role in leading a couple to divorce. 

I discuss Dr John Gottman's research into The Four Horseman of The Apocalypse. This refers to the four negative communication patterns that, according to his research, often lead to the end of a relationship if the behaviour isn't changed. 

These are:

1. Criticism 
2. Defensiveness
3. Contempt 
4. Stonewalling

Dr John Gottman is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute with his wife, Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman. He is world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction. He has conducted 40 years of research with thousands of couples. Dr Gottman was one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker. He authored and co-authored over 200 published academic articles and more than 40 books. 

Links mentioned in the episode: 

You can connect with Dr John Gottman through his Website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and LinkedIn. 

Click HERE to watch a short video about The Four Horseman of The Apocalypse.

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

This week on the show, I have an anonymous single mum sharing her story. She recounts her harrowing story of domestic abuse and how she got through it, in the hopes of giving other silent victims the courage to seek help. 

**Please note this episode and topic may act as a trigger for some people, and this episode is not suitable to listen to within earshot of children.**

In this episode, my guest talks about: 

• How she met her ex and the early signs she noticed the red flags.
• Dealing with "partner rape," a form of sexual abuse, and the shame and disassociation that comes with it.
• Losing her baby through miscarriage.
• Dealing with her ex's mother who was an enabler of his behaviour.
• Coping with physical abuse.
• The importance of knowing resources women can get help from.
• How her ex gaslighted her to try to erode her self-esteem.
• Dealing with her ex's narcissistic rage towards her.
• Overcoming her fear and leaving the abusive relationship.
• Getting the help of a family lawyer for dispute resolution and going on trial against her ex.
• Her advice for other women going through a similar situation. 
• The importance of having goals and rewarding yourself for the little accomplishments you achieve.
• Lessons she learned.

It is my guest's hope that listening to her story will inspire victims to find their purpose and to set goals. 

Links mentioned in the episode:

• Pregnancy Help Australia link
• Victim Services NSW 

Frances uses a blend of transformational techniques and innovative processes to help her clients get the breakthroughs and results they seek. Her work has been featured in numerous publications and professional journals, and she is regularly interviewed by BBC Radio. 

Frances has a wealth of life experience which has given her a deep understanding of human nature and an ability to relate to her clients and put them at ease. Her clients come from all walks of life and include high-profile individuals in the public eye who particularly value the absolute discretion and completely confidential environment she is able to offer.

Over recent years she has developed a bespoke, highly specialised approach to her work that seamlessly integrates key elements of counselling and coaching into unique, highly effective packages of support.

She has also created Sunshine Barn, a beautiful sanctuary for her clients in rural Derbyshire, to optimise their experience and enable her to provide them with a truly holistic and creative service. 

In this episode, Frances talks about: 

• Her passion for developing online courses that parents and children can take together to support them in dealing with anxiety.
• Causes of anxiety in children and how they can pick up energies of people around them.
• The difference between feeling anxious and having an anxiety disorder.
• How various forms of anxiety can disrupt a child's life, such as separation anxiety and phobia.
• How we, as parents, can unknowingly pass on phobias and anxiety to our children.
• EFT as a tool to help children recover from trauma.
• The importance of teaching children about the possible signs of anxiety disorders.
• How emotional anxiety or trauma can manifest on the physical body.
• How parents can help identify symptoms of a disorder and apply strategies and techniques to treat the anxiety.
• And so much more! 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

This week on the show, I have Dani Soares joining me. Dani is a TV personality best known for starring on the reality show, Below Deck Sailing Yacht Season 2 which premiered on March 3, 2021. She now lives in Sydney, Australia with her 8-month-old daughter Lilly.

In this episode Dani shares: 

• A little about her yachting career days.
• Juggling life between work and study plus having a beautiful 8-month-old baby at the same time.
• Her experience on Below Deck, and her relationships with the other cast members of the show.
• The struggle of wanting to keep her personal life private while being a TV personality.
• How she found out she was pregnant and how it was never a question of choosing to have the baby or not. It was only a question of how she will raise her baby.
• The reaction she felt when her baby's father requested a DNA test.
• How she handles criticisms while being in the public eye.
• Her superhuman ability to raise a baby as a single mum, study nursing at Uni, work as a beauty therapist, and deal with motherhood as a public personality.
• The biggest lesson she has learned since becoming a single mum. 
• Her favourite thing about becoming a single mum.

Dani is paving the way showing everyone that the single mum journey is not easy, but it's certainly doable, and going for your goals can still happen! 

1. Different practices for reflecting on the year that was.
2. My highlights for 2021.
3. Celebrating and appreciating even the cumulative little things in life.
4. The importance of journaling to document your successes and things you are proud of.
5. Thinking about things you need to let go of before moving forward to the new year - people to forgive, relationships to mend, etc.
6. The importance of setting new goals for 2022.
7. Daily habits to 'fill your cup'.

By doing this exercise, you can confidently face the new year with less baggage and you can take positive steps towards your goals. 

My first podcast for 2022 is a solo episode. As I am recording this podcast, it is day 15 of my Covid journey and I'm still on the road to recovery.

In this episode, I will talk about the raw, vulnerable, and uncut story of my Covid experience.

I will highlight two important aspects around Covid:

1. The physical aspects, from my experience.

• How I started acquiring Covid symptoms and the shock I felt once I got the positive test result.
• Worrying about potential exposure to the virus of loved ones and people I came in contact with (hotel and hospital staff, driver, other passengers).
• The frequent trips to the hospital due to difficulty in breathing and fluctuating oxygen levels
  Physical symptoms I had (from body aches and chills to brain fog).

2. The psychological aspects, from my perspective.

• The effect on mental health due to isolation.
• The trauma, stress, and embarrassment that can be too much to handle.
• The fear of dying and leaving your loved ones behind.
• Disruption of future plans.
• The loneliness one can feel while in isolation as one can feel cut off from the rest of the world.
• The importance of having a loving and supporting group that prays for your recovery and overall well-being.

Getting Covid has given me a lot of time to reflect on what's important, and having an attitude of gratitude despite life's setbacks is very important. It will only get better from here.

Sending you lots of love.

Julia xx

This week on the show, I have a single mum, Sarah Robb, sharing her story. 

**Please note this episode and topic may act as a trigger for some people, and this episode is not suitable to listen to within earshot of children.**

Sarah is a beautiful member of my Thrive Tribe community whom I've known for a number of years now. 

In this episode, Sarah talks about:

• how she met her ex,
• how they quickly entered into a very serious relationship,
• the gaslighting she experienced from her ex,
• the other red flags that showed up in the relationship,
• how she handled the discovery of her husband's infidelities and affair with another woman before and during their marriage,
• how she discovered that the other woman had a close relationship with her daughter and had known her since she had been born (without Sarah's knowledge),
• becoming a single mum twice,
• the importance of taking care of yourself first, how she focused on self-development to have a thriving life as a single mum,
• her favourite things about being a single mum, and
• so much more!

Listen to her journey of healing, growing, and thriving. 

In this episode, my special guest from last week shares Part 2 of her story.

In the last episode (278 - Blindsided by my partner (Part 1)), my anonymous guest talked about how she had always thought she and her partner had a good life. They had been together for 7.5 years and they rarely argued. 

Life was good when they had their first baby, but things quickly changed when she saw changes in her partner's demeanour and when he began a strong friendship with a girl from his work. Until one day, she was blindsided by her partner's sudden decision to leave her while she was just pregnant with their second baby.

In Part 1, my guest talked about:

• the challenges of becoming a first-time mum and the shifting in identity from doing what she wanted when she wanted and adjusting to motherhood,
• how she never felt fully supported by her partner when it came to caring for the baby,
• not addressing the unspoken expectations about the shared responsibilities of being a parent,
• the signs and changes in the behaviour of her partner when she found out he was texting another woman,
• her decision to move back to her parents to get the support she needed,
• juggling career and pregnancy while taking care of her first child,
• co-parenting with her ex, and 
• moving into her own place and starting the next chapter.

In this episode, my guest shares Part 2 of her story. She talks about:

• the absolute grief and trauma she felt when her ex left her and the emotionally difficult pregnancy and birth she had,
• how she was in fight or flight mode the first months after separation,
• how she proactively sought help and put support in place around her during the early part of her pregnancy as she knew she was a candidate for PTSD,
• trauma recovery,
• intentionally seeking single mum friends who get it and understands her journey,
• how her visits to her psychologist triggered past trauma from her childhood which she never knew were there but
  how seeking therapy during these hard times helped release past and current trauma and helped process the rollercoaster of feelings one goes through in times of grief,
• her journey to self-discovery, and
• so much more!

Links mentioned in the episode: 

Listen to Episode 278 - Blindsided by my partner (Part 1) HERE.

Jump on the waitlist for Thrive Tribe HERE. 

Download the E-book – Thirteen single mothers share their struggles, top tips, and their favourite things about being a single mother – HERE.

To contact Julia, email: julia@singlemothersurvivalguide.com.

Visit us at Single Mother Survival Guide. And join the email list there too.

Or connect with Single Mother Survival Guide on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest.

This week on the show I have an anonymous single mum sharing her story. She's a single mum of 2 kids - a 3-year old and a 3-month old.

My guest had always thought she and her partner had a good life. They had been together for 7.5 years and they rarely argued. They spent much of their time travelling the world together.

She was studying for her Masters when they had an unplanned pregnancy, which caught her off guard as she was only a few weeks out from completing it and was about to pursue a new career.

Life was good when they had their first baby. They bought a house and had good times together exploring new places. But things quickly changed when she saw changes in her partner's demeanour and when he began a strong friendship with a girl from his work. Until one day, when she got completely blindsided and was told by him that he wanted to separate.

In this episode, my guest talks about:

• trusting the process when you have an unexpected pregnancy, as it has a habit of working things out in the end,
• the challenges of becoming a first-time mum,
• the challenges of shifting identity from doing what she wanted when she wanted and adjusting to motherhood,
• how she didn't feel fully supported by her partner when it came to caring for the baby,
• not addressing the unspoken expectations about the shared responsibilities of being a parent,
• the signs and changes in the behaviour of her partner when she found out he was texting another woman,
• how she was eventually blindsided by her partner's sudden decision to leave her while she was just pregnant with their second baby,
• her decision to move back to her parents to get the support she needed,
• juggling career and pregnancy while taking care of her first child,
• co-parenting with her ex,
• moving into her own place and starting the next chapter,
• and so much more!

• life after the breakup,
• how she sought therapy to help her process the breakup and heal past emotional wounds,
• how the narcissist ex ended up back in her life, using and hurting her,
• that lightbulb moment she had that he was not deserving of her love and attention,
• dating forwards,
• and so much more!

• how she started dating after ending her 2nd marriage,
• how she met her narcissist ex-boyfriend,
• the times that her friends and her intuition told her that something was not right but how she ignored the signs,
• learning about the "smear campaign" her ex created against her to make her out to be the bad person to his other woman,
• and so much more!